Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
