Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
