We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
