Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
