Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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