I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
