Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and she was petting her beer can
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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