so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is classic penis vs brain.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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