Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
