mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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