I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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