im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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