Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
