I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
