Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
