i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.