So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that