Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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