Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
