Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
