i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
