I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
