I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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