I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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