he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
