Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
