Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
