you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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