It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
