3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
