apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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