im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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