i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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