How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
