How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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