i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You ruined the universe
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
