tell your sister to shave her snatch
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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