Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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