We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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