It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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