porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
