I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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