Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
