i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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