You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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