ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
