then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
