happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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