what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
