i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Holy shit dude........stairs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
