dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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