Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
