when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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