Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
