Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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