yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I would ride that face into the sunset
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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