I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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