I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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