Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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