Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
