i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
