First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
