Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
