He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
